


It's All Coming Back To Me Now

by pintobean82



Series: and you hold me like that [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 09:11:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18427502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pintobean82/pseuds/pintobean82
Summary: She meets him at six years old.





	It's All Coming Back To Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> The title is another Celine Dion song, because she is the queen of my life. 
> 
> This AU is doesn't contain any ice skating, but it does still have Tessa and Scott living their lives together.

She meets him at six years old. 

It’s the first day of grade one and he’s ready to take on the world. She would be more content to keep the summer days spent with her sister and Nana, learning to garden and reading under the big tree in her front yard. Him, not so much. While he loves summer, he couldn’t wait for school to start, so he can play hockey at recess and show off everything he learned over the summer.

She knows this because he will not stop talking.

That’s the first thing Tessa learns about Scott Moir, before she even knows his name. He hardly ever shuts up.

She sits down next to him, in her assigned seat, and he immediately turns to ask her if she has a yellow colored pencil. He’s got some paper in front of him, but she can’t tell what he’s drawing.

“I don’t have one because I just grabbed a bunch from my house,” he says, pulling out a fist full of mismatched pencils. Two fall to the floor. “We didn’t have any yellow ones. Maybe I could just borrow yours?”

Tessa just stares at him, wide eyed and slightly startled. His backpack lays at his feet, loose papers sticking out the top, he’s chewing gum in a really annoying way, and his hair is all over the place. Basically the exact opposite of herself.

Despite this fact, she reaches into her own bag and pulls out her neat, new box of pencils and hands him the yellow one.

His smile is huge, takes up almost half his face. “Thanks,” he says, and she can see the huge wad of gum in his mouth, he has to be chewing at least three pieces. She just nods and gives him a tiny smile in return.

He then launches into stories about his summer, his brothers, and his plans to ‘totally crush Stevie at recess’ even though she has no idea who Stevie is. If she wasn’t the only other person within ear shot of him she would think he was talking to someone else. He doesn’t seem to care that she isn’t responding, choosing instead to sit there and stare at him as he talks.

Eventually, the teacher finishes greeting all the other kids in the class and gathers their attention at the front of the room. Tessa pays attention like her life depends on it as she introduces herself as Ms. Bloom and then starts to talk about what they’ll be doing this year. She’s just getting into the reading groups they’ll be placed into when Tessa feels a tapping on her arm. A yellow pencil appears in front of her eyes when she turns her head.

“Thanks! Do you have lime green?”

She nods her head quickly and pulls out her pencils again, handing over the lime green. He smiles at her, big and toothy, gum still wedged in between his teeth.

“I like your bow,” he says next, pointing at the ribbon, tied at the end of her braid, with his pencil. Her mom had braided her hair that morning and Jordan had tied in the bow, telling her it ‘made a statement’, whatever that means. Ms. Bloom is still talking at the front of the room and it makes her slightly nervous. She doesn’t want to get yelled at.

“Thanks,” she responds quietly. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something else, but-

“Tessa, Scott. Focus up here please?”

Tessa nods quickly. Scott follows up with a cheerful, “Sorry!”, and puts the pencil down, turning to face the teacher fully.

She continues on as if there had been no interruption. The rest of the talk goes on and then so does the rest of the day. The boy next to her, Scott, doesn’t talk much more, but he does keep coloring, occasionally trading her pencils for colors he doesn’t have. She just leaves the box on the edge of her desk, so he doesn’t have to keep asking her for different colors.

Finally lunch, and then recess, rolls around. Nobody Tessa knows from her kindergarten class is in her lunch, but she sits next to a girl named Kaitlyn, who also likes ballet. At recess someone starts a four-square game. She decides to join because she learned how to play this summer from her brothers and she thinks she can get to the King’s Square. Waiting in line is boring though, she doesn’t really have anyone to talk to. She’s starting to wish she brought her book outside with her, but then someone is tugging on her braid.

It’s the boy she sits next to in class. When he was sitting down he seemed kind of big, but now that she’s standing right next to him, he’s actually her same height.

“Hi, my name is Scott. What’s yours?” He’s still chewing that gum, but it’s probably a different piece by now. He sticks out his hand in-between them.

“I’m Tessa.” She takes his hand. It’s warm and feels nice in hers. It’s the beginning.  

...

She kisses him for the first time at fourteen.

They’re walking to the art room together, like they always do, when he asks. He’s been mostly quiet all day, well quieter than usual, so Tessa can tell he’s been working up to this for awhile.

“Are you into Tommy?”

She stops abruptly and he bumps into her back from the suddenness of it. They’re going to be late for class if they stop and talk, but school ends in seven days, so really what does it matter anymore? And this is something she needs to talk about.

She is most definitely not into Tommy. In fact, her best kept secret to date is that she’s actually into Scott. In a major way. And she doesn’t want him to think she’s interested in anyone else. Especially with the way he’s been treating her lately, like he could potentially be interested in her too.

He’s been asking her to hang out more, just the two of them, wrapping her in long hugs to say goodbye, bringing her chocolate on days when they have tests in subjects she doesn’t like to cheer her up. Just little things, but they make all the difference. He’s her best friend in the whole world, he’s always been nice to her, but now there’s an added layer of sweetness to everything he does.

Tessa turns around to face him. “What? No! Why?”

His face is slowly turning the color of a tomato and he looks nervous, or embarrassed maybe, she can’t really tell.

“I’m just wondering. I saw you talking to him earlier, during lunch,” he mumbles. “And he was saying he was going to ask you out yesterday after school.”

He won’t look into her eyes, instead staring at a point over her shoulder. “Oh,” she says softly. “Well, I’m not interested. So even if he asks, I would say no.”

A small smile starts to grow on his face and he meets her eyes. “Oh, okay, good. Tommy’s an ass.” His expression makes her hopeful. Like he’s relieved. And if he’s relieved she doesn’t like someone else… this could be her chance.

“Yeah, he kind of is.” She returns his smile, but it’s a little shaky, as she gathers the courage for what she wants to say next. “I like someone else anyways.” She makes sure to look at him pointedly.

His eyebrows shoot up and he takes a step closer to her, getting into her space. She’s holding her books in her hands, which prevents him from getting closer. She almost drops them to make room. “You do?”

She nods slowly.

Scott studies her face carefully, reaches out to squeeze her arm. “Wanna tell me who?”

She opens her mouth to reply, plans to tell him what she’s wanted to for months now, but the bell rings just as Chiddy comes crashing around the corner.

“We’re late.” He sing songs as he runs passed them, hurrying to get to class before their teacher will actually mark them tardy. Scott has already taken a step back, put distance between them.

She clears her throat as the moment passes. “Come on,” she tells him and turns around. “I can’t be late again or my mom will kill me.”

She sits in her seat at her designated table when she gets into the classroom and Scott follows after her. Unfortunately, their tables are at separate ends of the room. Their teacher had separated them after she realized when they sat next to each other they got almost no work done, instead spending the entire period talking, or messing with each other’s projects.

All Tessa wants to do is put her head down on the table, despite the paint smeared all over it, and scream loudly. She cannot believe she almost had the chance to tell him and that he actually looked like he might feel the same. Even if she strongly suspects he feels the same way about her, now more than ever, how is she ever going to get up the courage to make a move again?

She makes it through fifteen minutes of distracted drawing before she decided to ask to use the bathroom, so she can clear her head, maybe splash her face with water, walk the halls. Literally anything to get her out of this room, where she keeps making awkward eye contact with Scott before he quickly looks away from her, every thirty seconds.

She splashes water on her face when she gets to the bathroom and takes her time drying it off with a paper towel, watching herself in the mirror to make sure the limited makeup on her eyes stays put. “Okay,” she tells herself. “You had a moment, but it’s over. He’s your best friend, that’s it.” Taking a deep breath, she steals herself for what she must do next, which is walk back into the art room and talk to Scott like she doesn’t think about what it would feel like to have his lips on hers.

Before heading back to the room though, Tessa decides to detour to the drinking fountain down the short hallway that really doesn’t lead anywhere. It’s as she’s rounding the corner that she runs, quite literally, into Scott. He catches her by the elbows to steady her and she smiles in thanks.

“Hey,” he greets her, small smile in place. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Are you following me? Couldn’t get in the girls room, so you’re just lurking around it instead?”

“Ha! You wish kiddo, I’m not a lurker.”

“Mhmm, sure,” she replies sarcastically. He just snorts in response, not saying anything else. The quiet gives her time to realize he’s still holding onto her arms, rubbing soft circles on her skin with his thumbs.

“So,” he says, low and quiet. “You’re not into Tommy?” She shakes her head no. “And you are into somebody else?” She nods and he takes a step closer, forcing her to actually tilt her head up in order to meet his eyes.

He bends his head, rubbing his nose softly on her cheek. The action forces her eyes closed and she holds her breath. She can feel her heart rate speed up by a thousand beats, it’s so loud she’s surprised he hasn’t commented on the noise.

“Want to give me a hint?” he asks.

Her head is so foggy, she has no idea what he’s talking about. “What?”

“About who you do like.” His breath hits her lips and she has to really force herself to concentrate in order to respond.

She takes in a deep breath and when she starts to talk, she can hear the shakiness in her own voice. “Um, I think you might already know.”

“Maybe, but you could tell me just so I know for sure.” He softly kisses the corner of her mouth.

She digs her fingers into his forearms. “I think you just want me to boost your ego,” she says, and he laughs lowly in response.

But then he slightly pulls back and she opens her eyes. He looks nervous and a little shy and she thinks the same look might be mirrored on her own face. She takes pity on him. “You,” she says. “I like you.”

His whole face lights up and he lets go of her elbows to grab onto her hips instead, squeezing lightly. “I like you too.”

She smiles, but it doesn’t last long, because then he’s leaning in and his mouth is on hers. In a school hallway, during class. The thought that she’s probably been gone from the room for too long briefly floats through her mind. But honestly, who cares? There’s barely any school left in the first place. If she gets questioned, so be it.

Besides, kissing Scott is way better than sitting in a room that smells like paint and trying to draw a still life of a flower bouquet. His lips are a little chapped, but it doesn’t feel bad. In fact, it feels really, really good. It’s not a very hard kiss, just soft pressure, but it makes her feel like she’s floating. Her whole body is tingly and goosebumps break out all over her skin.

If she was in a movie, this would be the part where the skies split open, the sun spotlights down on them, and a choir breaks out into song behind them. She can see it perfectly in her head and starts to giggle.

He pulls back again, huge grin on his face. “What?” he asks.

“Nothing.” She huffs out a laugh. “Nothing. That was just…”

“Good?”

“I was actually going to say unexpected, but yes, good too.”

“What? When you came to school this morning you weren’t planning on laying one on me outside the bathroom?” he teases her.

Tessa scoffs. “Excuse you, you laid one on me.”

“Yeah,” he says, practically a whisper. “I guess I did.”

They stare at each other for a few moments, both their smiles growing by the second. They’re broken out of their bubble by the sound of someone coming down the stairs.

She blinks and steps back. “I should get back to class. They’re going to wonder if I’ve made a break for it or something.”

Scott laughs, even though her comment wasn’t particularly funny, but that’s just on par for them.

“Okay then,” he says. “I’ll see you in there.”

She turns to go, glances over her shoulder just before she reenters the classroom and he’s still just standing at the end of the hall staring at her with a wistful look on his face. She feels her face heat up and ducks her head. She doesn’t know how she’s going to get through the rest of the day anymore.

-

It’s as she’s lying in bed later that night that all the worries start pouring in.

She likes him and he likes her, but what does that matter? They’re fourteen years old. You don’t stay together with the person you like at fourteen years old.

What happens when they inevitably end whatever could potentially happen between them? Would they stop talking? Not even be friends anymore? Tessa doesn’t think she could live with that, not talking to him everyday, or hearing his dumb jokes, or just being able to sit in a (not so) silent setting with him. (He talks too much for it ever to be that quiet.)

But then, if she doesn’t get to be with him, that means she doesn’t get to kiss him again. And she wants to kiss him again so badly. Kissing him was a million times better than when she kissed David Matthews at the beginning of the year. Also, if she tells him she doesn’t think they should kiss again, it could make things awkward between them anyways.

She rolls over and groans into her pillow. She hates this whole situation.

Where earlier she was on cloud nine, now it feels like she’s lying underneath a pile of rocks and they’re slowly crushing her to death.

The problem is, she likes him so much. So, so much. Scott is cute, funny, sweet, and he always knows exactly how to behave around her. Whether she’s sad, or angry, or confused, or overwhelmed, he knows what to do to make her happy again. And she’s wanted this for a long time, her crush has been hanging around in the back of her head for years at this point.

She falls asleep with her brain still drowning in turmoil.

When Tessa wakes up the next morning she knows what has to be done. Ultimately, a few weeks of potential awkwardness with Scott is much better than a lifetime without him.

He agrees with her, though maybe a little sadly, when she tells him the next day at school. Says he was worried about the same things and that he doesn’t want to do anything that could potentially ruin their friendship.

Because that’s the most important thing. Their friendship. Nothing can come between that, so if it means it’s all she can have, then she’ll deal with it.  

…

She breaks his heart at seventeen.

She can see it in his eyes as they stand in the school parking lot, this is not going to be a good conversation.

They’ve been building to something this past year, the last year before university, and Tessa thinks it might be the nerves of not seeing each other every single day that causes them to be attached at the hip. Even more so than usual.

She didn’t mean to lead him on though, make him think that she wanted something more. Even though she does want that, wants something more. But she also knows it’s a terrible idea. She will be on opposite side of the country in seven months and who knows how their friendship is going to fare long distance, never mind a relationship. But she can’t help herself, when he holds her hand, or pulls her close, or asks her to hang out with him after school and on the weekends.

It’s always just when she tells herself how much it’s going to suck when they have to say goodbye, and she should really start to pull back, to get used to how it’s going to be, that he does something incredibly sweet or makes her laugh, and she falls further into him.

They haven’t done anything physical at least. She doesn’t think she would be able to survive that if they did. There’s no way she could let him go.

They also haven’t talked about it. At all. She knows she doesn’t want to touch that topic because if they talk about it, she’s going to have to tell him she can’t be with him, and then everything will have to stop. And she really, really doesn’t want to stop. She thinks Scott knows she hasn’t wanted to discuss it and that’s why he’s ignored it for so long too.

Obviously,  he’s done ignoring it now.

She’s just about to unlock her car when she hears him call her name. She turns around and there he is, lightly jogging across the parking lot. He’s got a smile on his face, but she can tell, even from this far away, that it’s a nervous one.

“Do you need a ride?” she asks him.

He shakes his head. “No, I just…” he hesitates, takes a deep breath. He’s not meeting her eyes, looking off to somewhere slightly over her left shoulder. “Can we talk?”

She tries to act nonchalant, even though she knows what’s coming. “Sure, what’s up?”

“You don’t have somewhere to be, though?” She shakes her head and he takes another deep breath. He stares down at his feet for a few seconds and then looks up to meet her eyes. “I know, lately, we’ve been hanging out a lot and I love spending time with you. And I just, I feel like, sometimes, it’s more than just us as friends.”

He’s looking at her with a pained expression. She knows she should say something, anything, but she doesn’t know what that would be. He clenches his jaw.

“I just, I like you T. And I want to be with you, as more than friends.”

She feels like she’s going to cry. This is awful. There’s an ache in her chest and she knows it’s going to be there for days after this.

“Scott,” she sighs his name. He immediately purses lips and gives a resigned nod. It’s like he can tell just by her tone of voice what she is going to say. His eyes roll upwards and he starts to blink quickly. All the sure signs he’s trying not to cry. “I just don’t think it would be a good idea.”

He nods again, but doesn’t say anything, no longer looking at her.

“It’s just, we’re both leaving, we’re going to be a thousand miles away, and we’ve never been that far apart before. I don’t want anything to happen that could potentially ruin us. Especially because I just think we’ll need each other more than ever and…” she trails off, not knowing how to finish that thought. Luckily, even at their worst, he can always tell what she’s thinking.

“And you don’t think us being in a relationship would be good for that.” He doesn’t pose it as a question. Confident that’s what she means and she can’t disagree, because it’s true.

“Yeah.” It comes out small and quiet, resigned. She hates this, hates this, hates this.

“Can I ask then? What have we been doing? Because I thought it was leading to something.” He sounds vaguely mad, but she knows it sounds like that because he’s still trying not to cry.

“I don’t know. I just, I like being close to you.” She shrugs along with her words. How else is she supposed to explain it? “And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for… this.” She waves her hand between them, trying to encompass this awful conversation with the movement.

He nods. “I know Tess, I know.”

“I think I just got caught up in it all.” His eyes meet hers. And yup, there are the tears. “I’m sorry,” she says again.

“No, it’s not your fault. I got caught up in it too.”

They stand there for a few moments in awkward silence. It hasn’t been like this, where she doesn’t know what to say to him, maybe ever. She should have never let it get this far, should have stopped this months ago. Tears are welling up in her own eyes now.

“Well, I actually have to get back inside. Helping grade ten’s with math test prep and all. So, I’ll see you later.”

She wants to say yes, but she honestly thinks it’s going to be awhile before she sees him outside of school, so she just gives him a quick nod instead. He stands there for a second, like he’s waiting for her to say something else. Like she might change her mind and take it all back. When she doesn’t, he nods again, clears his throat and gets out a choked, “Okay.”

He turns to leave, gets about ten steps away before she can’t take it anymore. “Scott,” she says, taking one step towards him. He turns around and raises his eyebrows. “Um, we’ll be okay, right?”

Scott’s face softens, though not as much as it normally does when she sounds this distressed. “Yeah, Tess, of course. Just, give me some time, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever you need Scott.”

He gives her the tiniest smile, but it wobbles a bit. She watches him head back into the school building before getting in her car, makes it one block before she has to pull over because her tears are blurring her vision. Sitting on the side of the road, she cries until there is no more water left in her body.

It’s her choice. Her decision, she could be with him if she wanted to. So she tells herself to suck it up, puts her car in drive, and makes her way home.

Things are awkward between them for a few weeks, but eventually it shifts back into something resembling normal. They no longer hang out alone, they barely touch, and their conversations are still a little stilted, but it’s better than the awkward glances and pointed silences of the last month.

After two months, there are no more pauses in conversation or heavy, loaded looks. And after three, she can sit next to him on a couch, with their friends, pressed together shoulders to hips, and not feel like she’s going to combust from being so uncomfortable. At four months, he feels comfortable enough to start hugging her goodbye again and by month five they are back to exactly where they were pre-parking lot conversation.

She can’t get a handle on this, but she doesn’t want to stop it. He knows where she stands and he doesn’t stop either though, so honestly, it’s not entirely her fault.

They finish out the summer as a pseudo couple. Not doing anything physical, but essentially acting like two people in a relationship would. It fucks with her head more than she wants it to.

In August, they say goodbye and it’s so painful. They go for ice-cream the night before she leaves. She picks him up, which means she also drives him home and they sit outside his house, talking and savoring their last moments together, for a couple hours. He doesn’t let go of her hand the entire time, even when they both get a little sweaty.

When she says she should probably get going, she has a few things left to pack, he gives her hand a squeeze and then motions for her to get out of the car with him. He walks around the front until he gets to her and settles both hands on her waist. She grips his forearms tightly.

“I love you, so much Tess. You’re my best friend.” His forehead falls to hers. “This sucks, a lot, right now. But you are going to make tons of friends, and excel in all your classes and the clubs you join. And if you ever need me, I’m just the press of a button away.”

She laughs, but it’s choked and watery. He lifts one hand to wipe away some of her tears. His own are streaming down his face, but he ignores them.

“Same, Scott. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

“You’ll be okay, T. And we’ll see each other in just a few months. It’ll fly by so fast, you won’t even want to come home.”

She nods and squeezes her eyes shut, but she can’t imagine a scenario in which she doesn’t want to come home to him. He pulls her into a crushing hug, one hand holding her close, low across her back, the other threading through her hair. She can hear his heart beating through his shirt and she tries to focus on the rhythm, in an attempt to calm down, but it’s not working.

He pulls back slightly, not letting go of her. She feels his lips connect to her forehead, then her temple, then her cheek, kissing some of her tears away, before he pulls her back into his chest. She breathes in his scent, committing it to memory. This is all she’ll get for the next four months, she has to make sure she remembers it.

He squeezes her whole body, steps back, runs his hands down her arms, until he can take her hands in his. “You’re amazing Tess, never forget that. You were amazing when we met, you’ve been amazing for the last twelve years, and you are going to continue to be amazing for the next four and beyond that.”

Her eyes start filling with tears again. She can’t take him being so sweet. How is she going to survive if he’s not by her side, or at least within walking distance?

She squeezes his hands, trying to convey similar sentiments back to him. He knows she’s not as good at vocalizing these things. He seems to pick up on what she’s trying to say from her expression though, if his smile is anything to go by.

“Bye Tess, drive safe. Text me if you get bored.”

She scrunches her face, trying so hard not to let any more tears fall. He sniffles and lets go of one of her hands to wipe his face.

“I will,” she responds.

“God, this is hard.” He laughs, but it’s strained and wet.

“You could say that.” She laughs a little too. “Okay. Just rip the band-aid, right? I love you, I’ll talk to you soon.”

He nods, squeezes her hands one more time and then turns to go. She waits to get in her car until he reaches his door. He turns back to give her a small wave and she reciprocates.

Getting into her car and driving away from him is maybe the hardest thing she’s had to do to date.

...

She agrees to put it all behind them at twenty.

She regrets it, is the thing. Regrets rejecting him three years ago. Regrets this limbo she helped put them in, or orchestrated really. Scott would’ve dated her if she just told him how she really felt, if she had just stopped being so scared about losing him and fessed up. But she hadn’t, and for the past three years, she had ached for him.

It’s not like she hasn’t tried to move on. She’s dated a few nice guys at school, but honestly, none of them really get her jokes, or give her butterflies, or smile at her so sweetly that it makes her forget all her troubles for just a few seconds. (If she looks at it a little closer, it’s obvious she feels this way because none of them are Scott. Simple.)

It doesn’t help that when she goes home and sees him, and inevitably starts making comparisons, there really is no other choice, and she knows the second she gets back on campus she’s going to have to break up with whoever she’s been seeing. And the real problem is, she’s never even a little bit upset about it, the breakups don’t phase her at all.

But never once has she thought it would be a good idea to throw caution to the wind, call up Scott, and tell him she wants to be with him. Not to say she doesn’t want to, but she knows it wouldn’t end well.

Until now.

Now, for the first time ever, Scott’s brought a girl home for the holidays. And Tessa has never been more jealous in her entire life. He had told her he was casually seeing someone. But casual does not mean bringing her home to meet your family over Christmas. Apparently, Scott lives his life learning words from a dictionary only he owns.

He barely gives her a warning. Just texts her the first morning she’s home:

_ Steph and I are headed to breakfast at our favorite place. Come with! I would love for you to meet her. _

And he’s her best friend, so what else is she supposed to do except say yes?

So, she meets Stephanie and the worst thing of it all is that she is actually really nice, interesting, and seems fun. The exact type of girl Scott would adore. And the whole hour and a half breakfast Tessa has to sit across the table from the two of them, while Scott smiles at his new (not casual) girlfriend with the same smile that he had previously directed at her for the last fourteen years.

Also, Steph doesn’t seem even a little bit threatened by her. Which is both disappointing (she’s ashamed to admit that), relieving (also, ashamed), and good (not ashamed). Disappointing, because she feels so discombobulated by this whole situation, and at least if the girl were a little bit intimidated, Tessa would feel like she had a little bit of a hold on things. Relieving, because this means Scott probably hasn’t told her about them and their mess, which gives her just a little bit of hope that he’s not all that serious about Steph in the first place. And good, because honestly, it would probably complicate things between them and him and his girlfriend, and at the heart of it all she just wants Scott to be happy.

Even if she is insanely jealous.

Tessa spends the rest of the week Steph is in town avoiding her and Scott. Everytime he texts her to hang out, she makes up an excuse, whether or not that excuse is actually real. And when Chiddy texts her to hang out, she suspects the trap before she can fall for it and tells him she’s having a quiet night at home.

It’s only after Christmas, when she’s sure the girl is gone, that she agrees to go to a party Kaitlyn invites her to, one Scott will most definitely be at.

When she walks in, the smell of beer is overwhelming and makes her want to puke, even though she hasn’t had anything to drink. She finds Kaitlyn and Chiddy in the kitchen, already drunk. Not unexpected. They try to get her to have a beer, but she’s driving home, and will probably be driving them home too, and she really doesn’t want a hangover in the morning.

Scott is on the couch, talking to some guy she doesn’t really recognize, but could potentially be from their senior high, most of the people here are. She spots him and waves enthusiastically, he’s really the only fun part of parties like this anyways, but all he does is give her a tight lipped smile before turning back to the guy next to him.

Weird, but whatever. He’s been drinking, she can tell, and he’s probably just distracted.

Except she sees him thirty minutes later, tries to talk to him, and he completely and obviously blows her off to talk to a girl she knows for a fact annoys him like no other. And then continues to ignore her, until she gets Chiddy to inform him that the train is leaving the station and if he wants a ride home he better get his ass in her car in the next five minutes.

Scott is the last stop, because he lives closest to her, so he sits in the front seat and makes polite conversation with them all until it’s just the two of them left. At which point he closes his mouth and doesn’t speak a single word to her.

Tessa pulls over one block away from his house, puts the car in park, and turns towards him. Inside herself, she knows this is not going to be a very good conversation, he’s drunk and she’s pissed, two things that never mix well.

“What the hell is your problem?” she asks him, trying to keep her voice down, but essentially failing.

He turns to her, incredulous look on his face. “My problem? What the fuck is your problem?”

“Excuse me?”

“Sucks when your best friend is ignoring you, doesn’t it?” His voice has taken on a mean and snarky tone. They hardly ever fight, and when they do, it's always about dumb, little things. This is the first time she’s heard that tone directed at her.

“What’re you talking about?”

He rolls his eyes, turns back facing forward. “You’ve been dodging me all week. You act like I won’t even notice, but you lied, said you were hanging out with Jordan and I saw her that night, with all her friends, no Tessa in sight.”  

Her face heats up, but his tone is making her angry, so instead of feeling guilty, she gets defensive. “So what? Is it a crime to want to spend some time by myself?”

Scott scoffs, clenches his fists, takes a deep breath, probably to calm himself down. “Do not pretend that’s what you’re doing. It’s insulting that you think you can bullshit me like that.”

“Oh yeah? Well maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” She turns to face forward again, if he won’t look at her then he doesn’t deserve to be looked at either.

“Will you just tell me what your problem is so we can handle this like adults? Instead of you ignoring me like a child and just expecting me to figure out whatever the hell has got you so pissed at me?” He’s still angry, but his voice has taken on a slightly more pleading tone.

Tessa doesn’t answer him at first. Just stares out the window. From the corner of her eye, she sees him shift so he’s completely facing her.

“I was jealous,” she mumbles, resolutely looking at her nails. She starts to pick at the skin around her thumb nail.

“What?”

Tessa sighs and rolls her eyes, turns to face him too. “I said, I was jealous. Happy?”

He squints at her through the darkness, confusion evident on his face. “Of what?”

She clenches her jaw, debates being straightforward with him, decides against it. “Nevermind,” she says, and goes to put the car back in drive instead.

“No.” He catches her hand on the gear shift and holds it firmly in park. “We’re talking about this now. I’m not leaving without fixing this.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“Would you stop being so fucking stubborn all the time?”

His face looks pained and she caves. “I didn’t want to be around you and Steph, okay?”

He pulls his hand away quickly, like it burns him. “What?” This time when he says it, it’s not confusion lacing his voice, but hurt.

“It just… sucked, alright? I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You’re jealous because I have a girlfriend?” he asks, disbelieving and a little angry.

“Yes.”

Scott looks at her for a moment, studies her face. “Jealous of the fact that I’m in a relationship in general, or of Steph in particular?”

“The second,” she practically whispers, hating this conversation so much.

“Tess, you were the one who rejected me.” He sounds frustrated. 

“I know that, I was there.” 

He shakes his head, opens his mouth a few times, like he’s trying to decide what to say. “Then what do you want? Do you want to be together?” Her heart speeds up at his question. If she said yes, would he drop his girlfriend to be with her? Surprisingly, Tessa doesn’t really want to know the answer to that question, isn’t entitled to that answer anyways, seeing as they have never dated before and certainly cannot start dating now.

“It wouldn’t work. We aren’t even remotely close to each other for over half the year.”

“See!” he practically yells. He takes a deep breath before speaking again, schooling his emotions, something she knows he’s been working on lately. “Tessa, I get why you don’t want us to be together. I get why it would be really difficult and I even agree with you most of the time. But then we have to learn how to be okay with us dating other people, or we’ll be trapped in this weird limbo forever.”

She looks at him, sees how serious his face is, and nods in agreement.

“Which means no more being overly affectionate, no weird late night phone calls, no active flirting.” Hearing him list all these things is making her want to cry. She doesn’t want to think about all that she’s losing. She’s also surprised by how blatant he’s being, but she supposes the alcohol is helping him get it all out.

“Okay,” she says. “I agree.” She chokes on the words, the lump in her throat just grows.

“Tess,” he whispers. And, oh god, he’s got tears in his eyes too. “Things are only going to get more complicated if we don’t stop.”

“I know.” She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind. “I know that. We’ll be real, honest to god friends. Like me and Chiddy, or you and Kaitlyn.” 

He laughs, but it sounds strained. “Yeah, exactly.” Scott takes a deep breath, his eyes look a little devastated. “It’s the right thing to do.”

She hums, agreeing with him. “Okay, well, you should probably get home.” Tessa feels so resigned. She gets it really, but feels so drained from him and this conversation and this night. All she can think about is falling into her bed and pulling the covers over her face.

“Actually, I think I’ll just walk the rest of the way.” He unbuckles himself and moves to open the door.

“You sure?”

He nods. “It’s not far and I think I need the fresh air.”

“Okay,” she says. He wants to get space from her too. “See you later then.”

“Bye T. Thanks for driving.”

She watches him get out of the car and begin the one block walk to his house. It’s not icy or particularly snowy or cold today, so she doesn’t feel bad about turning around and leaving, not waiting to make sure he makes it home okay like usual.

Somehow, she manages to keep her tears at bay, even when she gets home. Instead, she just lays in bed, stares at the ceiling and tries to concentrate on relaxing every single muscle in her body. She doesn’t remember falling asleep.

Scott doesn’t text or call for the next few days. She finds out eventually from Chiddy that he decided to drive back to school early and spend New Years with his girlfriend. The fact that he left without saying goodbye makes her feel sick to her stomach. Is this what being ‘normal friends’ for them is going to look like?

She doesn’t hear from him until she’s already back at school and he texts her on her first day of classes, wishing her good luck and a happy first day.

She doesn’t bother texting him back, new semesters typically warrant calls. If he actually wanted her to have a good first day, he would’ve dialed her number so she could hear his voice. Good luck is premised on tradition and if he can’t uphold that then she doesn’t want it.

...

She realizes she’ll never be over him at twenty five.

New Year’s Eve is probably her least favorite holiday. It’s marketed as this amazing day, when everything is supposed to be great. In reality, it’s completely overrated, nothing good ever actually happens. Everybody gets drunk and makes questionable choices, then midnight comes and it’s underwhelming and you fall asleep. It’s hardly a holiday to get excited for.  

In short, Tessa would much rather spend the night watching a movie, ring in the New Year with a glass of champagne, and then fall asleep peacefully, no drunk people in sight. The perfect New Years.

Instead, she let Scott and Chiddy convince her to come to their annual New Years Eve party weeks ago. They both complained that they hadn’t seen her or hung out with her in a ‘fun’ setting in ages. At the time, Scott had still been dating  Kathy, so they really had been seeing less of each other.

The fact that they broke up a week ago means that this will be less of a fun party and probably more of a babysitting gig. Scott will most likely be drunk, sentimental, and clingy. That’s how it normally goes when one of his relationships ends anyways, even if he was the one that did the breaking up this time.

Which, now that she thinks about, he never did really explain the why of it all. Maybe he’ll spill tonight.

She rings the doorbell to their building an hour and a half after they told her to be there. Through the window, she can see Chiddy running down the stairs to let her in.

“Hey! How’s the party?” she asks him when he opens the door. Music can be heard blasting from upstairs.

“Good! A lot of people are here. More than we thought were going to come, so the place is pretty packed.”

“That’s good right? What you wanted?”

He nods, but doesn’t make any move to actually bring her upstairs. He scrutinizes her for a second and then opens and closes his mouth a few times.

Tessa glares at him. “What is it?”

“Scott is headed towards wasted.”

She rolls her eyes. “Of course he is.”

Chiddy gives her look, like he’s telling her to be more compassionate. “He’s not weepy or anything. Just maybe a little more drunk than he’s been in awhile. I’ve got my hands tied with Liz right now, who has decided to drink as much champagne as possible, so I’m going to need you to keep an eye on him, just so he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

She whines and stomps her foot, like a five year old. “Why me? I didn’t even want to be here in the first place.”

“Listen, I would ask Kait, but she is currently trying to woo Marcus. The accountant from my office? And she said tonight is going to be the night it happens. So when I asked her, she flat out rejected me. And you know how Scott gets, he’s been asking where you are for the last hour anyways.”

She does know how he gets. When drunk, he always wants to be around her. Asking people to trade seats so he can sit next to her, twirling her in to dance with him, falling asleep with his head on her lap. With a girlfriend around, he always tones it down, but when there’s no girlfriend, he ramps it up by one thousand. Not that she minds.

“Fine. You owe me though. Next New Years, you buy me my champagne and leave me alone for a full twenty-four hours. I am under no obligation to come to any parties, and I also don’t have to answer any calls, or text messages.”

Chiddy smiles at her. “Deal. Let’s go.”

The music is deafening when he opens the door and leads her inside. She can hardly hear her own thoughts.

“Scott’s probably in the kitchen!” Chiddy yells at her over the commotion.

She nods and makes her way towards Scott, stopping in his room first to dump her jacket and purse.

Sure enough, Scott is in the kitchen, talking to some woman she vaguely recognizes. She thinks it’s the girl who went to college with Chiddy and Scott and ended up moving to London last year.

He spots her the second she walks in. “Tess! You’re here!” His smile is drunk dopey and she can tell his eyes are glassy even from the doorway.

She smiles as he scoops her up in his arms, completely lifting her off the ground. “Happy New Year Tessa,” he whispers in her ear. It makes her whole body shiver, and if he wasn’t so drunk, she would be worried he would notice.

“Not quite the new year yet. We’ve still got a couple hours to go.” She gives him a huge grin as he set her down, holding onto his shoulders for balance.

He laughs loudly, tipping his head back, even though what she said wasn’t funny. He grabs one of her hands off his shoulder and laces his fingers through hers. “Do you want something to drink? We’ve got a bunch of different stuff.”

“Um… sure. How about one of those fancy cocktails you’re so good at making?”

He beams, squeezes her hand and shoves her towards the other girl in the kitchen. She completely forgot she was there. “Here, talk to Sam,” he says, and then disappears to the living room where they’re keeping all the alcohol.

“Hey, I’m Sam.” The girl sticks out her hand. Tessa shakes it and introduces herself. “I know, actually. Scott was just talking about you! You just finished training for the London Fire Department, right?”

She laughs fondly. “Yeah that’s me.”

“Well congrats! That’s awesome. Do you like it?”

“Thanks, yeah, it’s good. I like my crew so far. The shifts are a little intense, so that’s probably going to take some getting used to, but I expected that going in.”

Sam nods, asks her a few more questions about working as a firefighter, which Tessa answers enthusiastically. She’s just asking Sam about her own job, teaching literature to senior high students, when she feels a hand grab her waist. She’s pulled back into Scott’s chest, so she’s flush against him. Her whole face heats up and he keeps his arm wrapped around her, even after he puts the drink in her hand.

She takes a sip and it burns her throat. “Oh my god, how much rum did you put in this?” She coughs a little and turns to look over her shoulder at him. His face is right there and it unnerves her, like hummingbirds have created a home in her stomach. 

He squeezes her a little tighter. “Sorry, I didn’t measure, just poured! But it’s a holiday, so you can actually drink more.” His words are starting to slur a little bit more.

“Mhmmm,” she hums. “Because that’s how it works.” He laughs and she can feel the vibrations throughout her whole body.

“So,” Sam interrupts. “I was talking to Scott earlier about how he’s applying to work at your old elementary school.”

“Yes! We are all very excited for Scott to be able to tell us all the gossip about the people who used to be our teachers.”

Sam laughs and so does Scott.

“I have to say, finally being in on the teacher gossip is pretty rewarding. You hardly notice the annoying things about working with teenagers,” Sam says.

She launches into a story about how she physically ran in to two student making out in an abandoned hallway. The three of them chat in the kitchen for awhile, different people filtering in and out. Eventually, she makes her way into the main area, having left Scott with Jeff. He’s still on the right side of drunk, so she’s not too worried about him.

The next time they come in contact with each other, he’s clearly had a few more beers, judging by the way he falls into the couch next to her, and it’s already fifteen minutes after midnight. “You disappeared on me,” he whines.

“Sorry, I had to help talk Kaitlyn up to Chiddy’s friend.” They both look over to where Kaitlyn and Marcus are talking in the corner, much closer than they need to be, even if it’s extremely noisy.

Scott lays his head on her shoulder. “I wanted to ring in the new year with you.”

“Sorry buddy, maybe next year.” She thinks she feels him kiss her shoulder through her shirt.

“Next year, and the year after that, and after that, and far, far into the future.” His words are definitely slurred, but she can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or from being sleepy. She looks at him and his eyes are closed, actually falling asleep on her shoulder. She pushes some hair back from his forehead.

“Do you want to go lay down Scott?” she asks him quietly.

He nods slowly, so she grabs his hand and drags him up with her, leads him into his bedroom. She finds herself some of his clothes to sleep in, while he changes into his own pajamas. She’s only had two drinks, both spaced out over a few hours, but she would much rather sleep here anyways. Scott will most likely make her breakfast in the morning anyways, which is always a great deal.

They both climb into his bed and lay down facing each other. His eyes are closed, so Tessa thinks he’s already pretty much asleep, shocking considering the level of noise still coming from behind the door. Which is why she’s surprised when he starts to talk.

“I’m really proud of you, for finishing your training. You are one tough lady, Tessa Virtue.”

She giggles quietly. “Thank you.”

He cracks one eye open to look at her, small, proud smile on his face. He looks so adorable like this.

His face turns serious not even a second later. “I’m worried about you too though. It’s so dangerous,” he whispers the last part like it’s some terrible secret.

Tessa grabs his hand, holds tightly onto his fingers. “I know, but I’m working with a lot of great people who’ve been doing this for a lot of years. I’m in good hands.”

“I know.” He shrugs. “I still get worried.”

She doesn’t know what to say. If the situation was reversed, she would probably worry about him all the time, so he can’t be blamed. All she can do is rub her thumb back and forth over his knuckles and offer him a soft smile.

She closes her eyes when he doesn’t say anything else. His breathing evens out a little bit more, but he scoots closer to her, head coming to rest on her pillow.

“I broke up with Kathy,” he says after a few more minutes.

“I know. I'm sorry, that’s really rough.” She means it, breakups suck no matter how they happen.

The mattress moves again and she feels his nose against her own. The air in his room is thick and she holds her breath. “It’s okay,” he says softly. “I didn’t think I’d ever feel for her the way she felt about me. Not enough room in my heart.” He lets go of her hand and slings his arm around her waist instead. She can’t believe what she’s hearing.

“Why is there no more room, Scott?” she asks, a little hopefully.

“I dunno,” he mumbles. “It’s too small probably.”

Tessa laughs, and it’s too loud for the quiet of the room, but it’s such a ridiculous statement. “You have the biggest heart of anyone Scott Moir. That is so not true.”

He huffs out a laugh, but doesn’t actually say anything in reply.

She waits a few more minutes, thinks he’s finally fallen asleep, but then hears a soft, “Happy New Year Tess.” He leans forward and she feels his lips connect lightly to the corner of her mouth.

“Happy New Year Scott.” Her heart is beating wildly out of her chest. She wants him to say something else, to maybe pull her closer and kiss her for real, but it never comes. His breath slows down completely and evens out, meaning he has actually fallen asleep.

She can’t deny that she wants him. She always wants him, has since she was a teenager and honestly, she doesn’t think that will ever change. But in the last couple months, he’s started acting so sweet towards her, inviting her over for dinners when he knows she’s had a long day, sending her encouraging text messages, letting her pick the movies they watch, even though her taste is the complete opposite of his.

It isn’t entirely different from the way he normally treats her, but everything has just been a little bit softer, even when Kathy was in the picture. If she thinks about it really hard, that’s probably when Kathy and Scott had started to fizzle out. She doesn’t know what to make of that.

In the past few months that physical want had expanded to include emotional want as well. She wants to be close to him, know what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling. Wants to be there for him in all his worst and best moments. Essentially, everything she’s tried to repress feeling for him the last few years has bubbled to the surface and she no longer wants to push it back down. Doesn’t think she could even if she tried.

But he just ended a long term relationship and even with his actions, she can’t be entirely sure if this is what he wants, not with all their false starts and almosts over the years. Especially because she’s always been the one to pull back. Maybe she’s ruined this one too many times and he wouldn’t even want to go there.

Regardless, she doesn’t think she’ll ever feel for anyone else the way she feels for him. She wants him, in every way possible. And like he said, she just doesn’t have room in her heart for anyone else..

...

She takes the leap with him at twenty-six.

_ Here! Hurry up or we’re going to be late! _

Tessa sits outside the school, waiting for Scott in her car. If he doesn’t get out to her soon, she’s just going to have to leave him behind, he can walk, or take the bus, or call someone else. She hates being late, even if it’s just drinks with their friends, and he knows it.

Her phone buzzes and she rolls her eyes at the text on her screen.

_ We’ve known them since we were six. They can wait. _

She’s typing back her response when his second text comes through.

_ I want to show you my classroom, come up. _

She looks up the steps to the front doors of the school and he’s already standing there, smiling and waving at her. He’s got one foot in the door, so it won’t lock behind him, but the rest of his body is outside. He’s wearing nice jeans and her favorite shirt of his, that grey Henley that fits him so well, perfect for a Friday night in late September.

In short, he looks great, which is something she’s been trying very diligently to not notice lately. Which is extremely difficult, due to the fact that with every passing day, he somehow becomes ten percent hotter than the day before. Briefly, she wonders if she’ll ever go a day where she’s not insanely attracted to him. But friends don’t notice that kind of stuff about friends and they’ve been doing so well at remaining strictly friends for the last few years, by their standards anyways.

Even if she’s so in love with him it hurts to be around him and not say anything sometimes. Even if he sometimes looks at her so softly that she swears he feels the same. Even if, since New Year’s, it’s like their relationship has tilted slightly to the left and they’re just one second away from falling into each other.

Tessa lets out a sigh, turns off the ignition, and gets out of her car. This is the first time she’s had the chance to see his room and he’s been talking nonstop about it for over a month, since he eagerly set it all up. Between work and other life stuff she’s hardly had a spare moment to stop by the school and she knows that Scott has wanted her to see it since he found out he got the job.

“I still can’t believe you’re teaching at this place,” she says to him in greeting.

He chuckles. “Just think, twenty years ago you walked through these doors not even knowing your life was about to change for the better.”

She pretends like she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “I’m not entirely sure Ms. Bloom’s line up song was life changing.”

He gives her a fake glare and lightly knocks his shoulder against hers as they pass through the doors. “I’m talking about when you met me. The coolest kid you’d ever seen, you were so honored I would choose to spend so much time with you.”

Tessa lets out a loud bark of laughter. “Yeah, because all that time spent in timeouts together was so voluntary.”

He just winks at her before motioning to follow him through the hallways. She doesn't really pay attention to where they’re going, just trails behind him and tries not to focus on the way the shirt stretches across his back.

“Why are you here so late on a Friday anyways? Don’t teachers usually get out as soon as possible at the end of the week?”

He shrugs his shoulders as he stops in front of a closed door. The panel to the side reads MR. MOIR. “I gave a math test today and was working on grading them so I won’t have to do it this weekend.”

“Big plans or something?” She feels like she would know if he had anything major going on that would require him to finish his grading before Sunday morning, when he usually does this kind of stuff.

He gives her an unreadable look. “Maybe, I don’t know yet.” Tessa expects him to elaborate on that weird, vague answer, but instead he takes a deep breath and throws open the door to his classroom. “Voila! Welcome to grade three paradise.”

Somehow, even being the newest teacher at the school, Scott managed to acquire what was both their, and every other teacher’s, favorite classroom in the building. “So this is why you wanted me up here so badly. To brag about getting Ms. O’Brien’s old room?”  

“Why do you think I accepted the job T? I wasn’t about to settle for the shitty corner room down the hall.” She rolls her eyes, but laughs all the same.

It’s a well decorated grade three classroom, a few bean bags next to a bookshelf of what looks like every book he read at that age, all of hers she gave him this summer when he asked, and newer ones he must’ve bought at the used bookstore down the street. In one corner, he has tables lined up with art supplies neatly organized on top of them. The school doesn’t provide things like that. She almost asks how much he spent setting all this up, but knows he won’t actually answer. All he will say it that it was worth every cent.

One wall is full of inspirational men and women throughout history, in all different fields. Another has a picture of each student with their name and a drawing hung up under the picture. The banner over the top reads: IF I WAS IN A BOOK…

“I like that. Did you make one too?” she asks, teasing him.

“Ha. Ha. I’m  _ trying _ to foster a love for reading in them. Although some of these drawings are a little weird.”

She snorts and inspects and he’s right, some are strange, but mostly the overall feeling she gets is ‘cute’. She turns from the wall to look at the rest of the room. Big windows line the back of the class and a whiteboard sits on the front wall. The board is spotless, which figures, he always hated when any marks were left behind.

Every little desk has its own name card, each name spelled out carefully and decorated beautifully, all in the same handwriting and style. “You made all of these?” She turns to look and him and he nods. It’s a little bashful. “They’re so nice.”

She turns away to look at his desk next. As expected, it’s spotless, everything perfectly in place, not even a pen out of line. There are a three photo frames on the desk, but they aren’t facing her, so she moves around the desk to get a better look. The first is a picture of him and Alma, which is so typical, he’s his mother’s son through and through. The second is of him and his brothers from when they were younger, she can tell because of his baby face.

It’s the third frame that makes her stop. She picks it up and pulls it closer to her face. It’s a picture from the beginning of the summer, from Chiddy and Liz’s wedding. They had gone together because neither of them was dating anyone at the time. As soon as the music had started to play, he had dragged her to the dance floor and that’s where they had spent the rest of the night, never drifting more than a few feet from each other.

But she didn’t even know this picture existed. In it, Scott is holding her close on the dance floor, one hand resting low on her back, the other grasping one of her’s close to his chest. He’s smiling like crazy, looking at her like she’s his whole world. Her own head is thrown back in laughter, most likely from something he said.

The picture floors her for a moment.

“Chiddy had that framed for me and claimed it as my birthday present a few weeks ago.”

“It’s a really nice picture,” she murmurs. She’s tempted to trace their outlines with her finger, but doesn’t want to leave smudges on the glass.

“This group of girls keeps asking me if ‘that pretty girl in the picture’ is my girlfriend.”

Her eyes snap up to meet his. He’s staring at her so intently, but there’s a soft smile on his face.

“Yeah?” She wants him to elaborate. Wants to know how he describes her to a bunch of nosey eight and nine year olds, but he doesn’t. He just keeps smiling at her, looking so calm when she feels anything but all the sudden.

He waits a few more seconds before speaking. “C’mon, I want to show you something else, but it’s a surprise, so you’ll have to close your eyes.”

Tessa places the picture back on his desk, letting the weird moment pass as she does all other strange instances in their relationship. “I hate surprises,” she says, even as she closes her eyes. She feels him take both her hands in his.

“I know, but I think you’ll like this one. Just trust me.” And then he leads her out of his classroom.

There was a time when Tessa knew every nook and cranny of this building like the back of her hand. She could’ve walked hallways and up staircases backwards and blindfolded and still found her way to anywhere she needed to be. But it’s been awhile, and as a result, she has no idea where exactly Scott is taking her.

He stops her after walking down some stairs and taking a few turns around corners. She’s about to open her eyes when he quickly tells her not to. “Let me say something first, okay?”

“What-”

“Just, please Tess?” He sounds a little desperate, so she nods her consent and stays quiet. She hears him take a deep breath and then his voice is much closer than before. “I’ve been thinking, a lot lately, well, really since New Year’s, about you. Or, I guess more accurately, about us.” Her breath hitches. “I just, I want this for real.” He takes both her hands in his and squeezes. “I want to be with you and give it an actual shot, not the weird in-between that it’s always been. And I’ve felt this way for a long time and I just have to tell you, because I really can’t keep pretending I'm not one hundred percent into you, just as much as I’ve always been.”

It feels like she’s having an out of body experience right now. There’s no way Scott Moir, best friend of twenty years, is making this leap right now, in some random hallway of the school they met in. Why doesn’t he ever choose to have big moments in, like, a garden or something? First kiss in a hallway, tries to get together with her in a parking lot-

_ Wait… First kiss in a hallway. _

It hits her suddenly and obviously. Of course,  _ of course _ , this is the exact type of cheesy, sappy thing he would plan. Get Jeff to drop him off at school this morning so she would have to pick him up. Pretend he wants her to see his classroom, so he can eventually get her into this fucking hallway. She wants to open her eyes so she can see his face, but she also needs a second.

She feels his forehead come down to rest against hers. His breath ghosts over her lips. He’s basically whispering now, “Can you please say something?”

Tessa cracks one eye open. Sure enough, they are standing next to the drinking fountain in the weird hallway that doesn’t actually lead anywhere next to the art room. She looks at him next. His eyes are tracking all over her face and he looks nervous, like he might puke actually. She can’t have that.

“You’re so fucking cheesy.”

His mouth drops open and his head snaps back from hers as he takes a step back. He almost lets go of her hands, but she holds on tight. “Excuse me?”

“I cannot believe you just said words I’ve wanted to hear for years in this hallway. That is so fucking cheesy.” She opens her other eye and lets a smile spread across her face.

It takes a second for her words to sink in, but once they do, his whole face scrunches up in that radiant expression she loves so much and a huge laugh bubbles out of his mouth. He yanks her hands, so she ends up just in front of him, toes touching and chests bumping together. She can tell he’s about to lean in and kiss her, but she can’t, not yet.

“Wait.” He stops, concern washing over his face. “I want this. I do. But, we don’t exactly have a great track record when it comes to us. We’ve been great the last few years and I don’t want to mess with that. You are the most important person to me.” She admits the last part quietly.

His eyes keep scanning her face and it takes him a few seconds to answer her. “Tessa, you’re my favorite person in the world, I wouldn’t be saying any of this if I didn’t mean it. I’m one hundred percent in and I am so sure we are ready for this, but it’s your call T.” The ‘just like it’s always been’ goes unsaid.

Apparently, she takes too long to answer, because he takes a deep breath and continues trying to convince her. The days of him just accepting, without putting up a fight, are over.

“T, I’ve actively thought so much about this in the past couple months. And that’s nothing compared to the years I’ve spent not actively thinking about it. I want to be with you and I’ve wanted to be with you since before I even kissed you in this hallway.” He’s looking at her like he hasn’t in years. She thought she would never see him look at her like that again.

Her eyes close, letting his reassurance wash over her. She lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. He wants this, he really does. She is so tired of pretending she doesn’t want him and trying to be okay with just being his friend.

“Okay,” she whispers. He’s so close her breath ghosts over his lips.

“Okay?” His voice sounds so hopeful, she can’t help the smile that breaks out on her face. She keeps her eyes closed though, wanting to bask in this moment for a little longer. If this moment is everything she’s dreamed of for the last few years, she can’t imagine what the next one holds.

“Okay.” She opens her eyes, he’s looking at her like she’s everything. The same expression is probably mirrored on her own face. “But we have to talk about this, for real. How it’s going to work, when we tell people, what we tell people.”

Scott drops his forehead to hers again. “Of course. My weekend is wide open.” His words are mixed with amusement.

“That’s why you don’t have any plans?” she asks, laughing.

He nudges his nose with her. “I was hoping to have plans with you,” he murmurs. “Plans in a much comfier place and with much less clothing.” He kisses the corner of her mouth. A shudder runs through her whole body.

“I like the sound of that.” He presses his mouth to hers. It’s soft and sweet, very reminiscent of their first kiss, their only kiss really. But then his hands go to her hips and squeeze and she can’t help the little whimper that comes out of her mouth.

He swallows the sounds, takes the opportunity of her slightly parted lips to run his tongue between them. The feeling of his mouth on hers, his teeth lightly nipping her lower lip, it all makes her toes curl. She can’t get enough of him, but she also can’t get any air.

Tessa pulls back. “Did you just bring me here to make out with me? Or did you actually have something to show me?” Her breathing is a little ragged and she fights to get it under control.

He moves his lips down to her neck and sucks lightly. Her eyes roll back in her head. He’s saying something, but she can’t really focus when he keeps pressing open mouthed kisses under her jaw.

“What was that?” she asks.

He chuckles and she can feel the vibrations from his chest, he’s pressed so closely against her. God, how did she ever deny herself this?

“I  _ said _ , no, I did actually want to show you something.” He pulls away from her entirely and she can’t help but whine quietly, though not quiet enough that he doesn’t hear. He quickly pecks her lips, or more accurately, presses his giant smile to her’s. “Here, look,” he says, while crouching down at their feet and pointing to the wall.

There, in his handwriting, is a tiny TV+SM, written inside a crude heart. He was never very good at hearts. “I came down here the first day I was setting up my classroom, to see if it was still here, and it was! So either no one has seen it or it just won’t come off.”

Tessa laughs, loudly, the sound bouncing off the walls. “When did you write this?”

Red creeps up his cheeks and his smile is shy. “The day after I kissed you. I was feeling hopeful I guess. And really cheesy.”

His admission only makes her that much more fond of him, if that was even possible. She brings her hand up to push some of his hair off his forehead. It’s soft as she runs her fingers through it and she uses her grip to pull him close and kiss him. “I’m glad you were hopeful. That’s actually really cute. And I also think it’s sweet that you were so cheesy. Then and now.” She gives him a teasing smile.

Her hand in his hair puts her watch in her line of sight. It’s already three minutes past when they were supposed to meet everyone at the bar. “We’re late. Chiddy is going to be annoyed.”

He gives her an incredulous look. Like she can seriously be thinking about drinks with their friends right now. “Fuck Chiddy. Let’s just skip it.”

She rolls her eyes. “We can’t. I promised I would go and I know you did too. Jeff wants us to meet his boyfriend, we have to be there.”

He sighs, like it’s the end of the world. “Fine, but let’s leave early then. I want you all to myself as soon as possible.”

His words send a shiver up her spine and she nods. “I want that too. So let’s leave. The faster we get there, the faster we can go.”

He stands and offers her his hand, pulling her up with him. He doesn’t let go once she’s next to him though, just twines their fingers together and squeezes.

“Let’s go.”

...

She finally,  _ finally _ , has sex with him at twenty-six years, four months, one week, and three days old.

They had fully intended to sleep together one week ago, after they snuck out of the bar, but it had almost been like Chiddy had known they were anxious to leave, keeping them longer and longer. He had bought them all three rounds of shots, on top of what they had already been drinking, so they both had ended up Ubering back to Scott’s apartment. Once they had actually tumbled into his bed, they had both decided they were too drunk to do anything and just fell asleep.

It had still felt wonderful to wake up with him wrapped around her back and she had thought about instigating something with him right then, but he had rolled over complaining about dry mouth and feeling like a thousand tiny horses were dancing to Cotton Eyed Joe on his brain. Instead they had both just fallen back to sleep and when they woke up later, he had to go help his brother with an emergency babysitting job, which she had offered to help him with.

They hadn’t found any time to be together until the following weekend, and Tessa had been eagerly anticipating every second.

But now that it’s happened and it’s over and she knows what it feels like to have him inside of her, it’s just, well… awkward. The sex itself had been fine, not great, but not the worst either. It’s their first time though, so she expected the learning curve. Maybe not as steep of a curve as it turned out to be, but still, they have time.

What is decidedly unexpected though, is how she doesn’t know what to say to him now that they’re just laying next to each other. She can tell he feels the same, if only because never in their life has he gone this long without saying anything. Also, she can feel him fidgeting on the mattress, running his hands up and down the sheets, a sure sign he’s nervous.

She decides to break the ice first. “So,” she says, turning her head towards him. He doesn’t turn to look at her, so she faces the ceiling again. “We know what each other looks like naked now.”

He laughs and it’s a little too loud for the moment, but it breaks the tension. It doesn’t feel so heavy when he reaches out his hand and laces his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry,” he says. “This is just super weird. And that was…”

“Subpar?”

“Yeah.” He sighs again. “I guess I just didn’t expect it to be like that? I kind of thought we’d just be amazing at sex right off the bat.”

She giggles, liking  how optimistic he is. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?” They’re still not looking at each other, but he does squeeze the hand he’s holding.

“I don’t know. You’re my best friend and everything is always so easy with you, it’s easy and good to just be with you. I just figured this would be easy too. Plus, the making out and everything is amazing, so that might have influenced my expectations too.” She finally sees him turn his head out of the corner of her eye. “What’re you thinking?”

She turns to look at him too. His eyes are so soft and warm and she’s instantly comforted, most of the tension releasing from her body. “I guess I thought it was going to be a little weird, just because it was our first time, but I also didn’t think we’d be that… off.”

She rolls onto her side, so she can face him fully and scoots closer. He turns to mirror her, wraps his free arm around her waist and pulls her in so she’s flush against his chest. She rests her free hand right over his heart. It’s beating, strong and steady, she can feel her own heartbeat slow down, starting to sync up with his.

“I think maybe this will just take some time, for us to get used to and for us to be good at. No matter how badly and how long we’ve wanted to be together, we’ve still really only ever been friends. There’s bound to be an adjustment period.”

He nods, agreeing with her and softly kisses her lips. “You’re right. Besides it’ll just be something to look forward to. If this is the worst, it can really only get better from here on out.”

She laughs and he looks delighted to have pulled the sound from her. “It was not the worst. It just wasn’t the best.”

He laughs alongside of her, tucks some hair behind her ear and gives her another sweet, slow kiss, no real intention behind it. “Are you tired?” he asks, not moving away. She can feel his breath on her lips.

She glances at the clock on his bedside table, right behind his head. It reads just past twelve-thirty. “A little. I didn’t get much sleep during the day today.” She shrugs as much as she can while laying on her side.

“That’s what I thought. C’mon, let’s sleep. We can talk more about this in the morning.”

She gives him a grateful smile and closes her eyes, nods in agreement. Keeping his arm slung over her hip, he leans in to kiss her cheek and snuggles in impossibly closer. She falls asleep to him rubbing his hand up and down her spine and the rise and fall of his chest against hers.

The sex is already much better at twenty-six years, four months, one week, and four days old.

...

Their friends don’t find out until she’s twenty-six years and seven months old.

Honestly, it’s a miracle they were able to keep it a secret for three months. They really didn’t intend for it to be kept quiet for this long, but no one noticed and no one asked, so it just went unsaid. At first, not telling was intentional. They’ve known their little group as long as they’ve known each other and it just seemed smarter to navigate the beginnings of their relationship without the outside opinions and the pressure. But as time goes on, they never really address it again.

The thing is, they’ve spent most of their lives closely intertwined, so the fact that they hang out with each other often doesn’t phase anyone. And when they’re all together in a group, their behavior is the same as it’s always been, which means no one has any chance to be suspicious.

“So, what do you think? Do you want to go out tonight?”

She looks up from her bowl of cereal. He’s looking at her fondly, probably because all she’s wearing is a giant shirt of his she found in his dresser. She had come to his apartment straight after her forty-eight hour shift at the station. Its 8:30 on a Saturday morning and all she wants to do is eat the rest of this cereal and then climb into his bed and not leave it for ten hours. Preferably, he will be in the bed with her.

“Out? Sorry I wasn’t really paying attention, I’m a little sleep deprived,” she responds. Scott chuckles softly and sits down next to her, puts his hand on her thigh and starts to rub his thumb back and forth over her skin. Not exactly the best tactic if he wants her to focus on what he’s saying.

“I was saying Jeffery texted me, asking if I wanted to go to a bar with him and Chiddy tonight. Do you want to come?”

“You’re asking if I want to go to a bar with our nosey and invasive friends, rather than stay here and have great sex with you?”

He huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. “I already said I would go, so if you stay here you’ll be having great sex with yourself until I get back.”

Tessa sighs dramatically, thunks her head down on his shoulder. She feels him kiss the top of her head. “Was I even invited?”

“I’m inviting you. Right now. How tired are you?”

She punches him lightly in the stomach. “No dummy, do Jeff and Chiddy want me there? Kaitlyn isn’t going, so this seems more like a guys night.”

“I want you there. I haven’t seen you in four days and I want to hang out with you.”

She looks up and he’s smiling at her so sweetly she has to lean over and kiss him, nice and slow and with a hint of purpose behind it. She pulls back and he’s got this dazed look on his face, paired with a dopey grin. She can’t help but grin back. She’s so infinitely lucky to be here. And she really can't say no to that face.

“You’ll be seeing a lot more of me now that you’re officially on Christmas break.”

He shrugs. “I know, but it’d be fun to go out tonight. We haven’t all hung out together in awhile. Text Kait and see if she wants to come and then it won’t just be a guys night.”

He’s already taking out his phone. She watches him text Chiddy and Jeff:  _ Tess is in too. She’s gonna text Kaitlyn. _

Well, she supposes it would be nice to see them all before Christmas. She texts Kaitlyn asking if she wants to come with them and gets an enthusiastic response back. And it’s set, they’re all in. An evening of loudness and drinks, instead of a quiet night in her hot boyfriend’s apartment. She was hoping he would make her dinner and then give her a massage, since her back has been giving her trouble lately. But she supposes that can always happen tomorrow night, now that he doesn’t have to wake up early on Monday morning.

“Since we’re going to a bar, I’m going to have to go back to my place at some point. All I have with me are sweatpants.”

Scott’s eyes sweep up and down her body. “Or you could just go with no pants,” he says, sliding his hands up higher on her legs. They settle at the top of her thighs and squeeze. She feel flushed. “That’s my favorite look on you.” Scott leans in to nose at her neck before pressing a light kiss to her shoulder, over the shirt.

She laughs, loudly, head tipped back. “Unfortunately for you, it’s winter and also against general public rules to go places without pants. I’ll be needing my jeans.”

He looks up and pouts and it’s adorable. She leans in to kiss him, but is interrupted by a huge yawn that makes its way out of her mouth. He chuckles lightly. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“I slept a little before we got a call. I should probably try and get some decent sleep now though.” She slides off her chair and moves to his lap, straddling him. “You know, your apartment is pretty cold. I would probably sleep better if I had a human furnace…” she trails off suggestively. She knows Scott doesn’t have any real things to do today. He always lets himself relax the first few days of break.

“Why Ms. Virtue, are you propositioning me?” he asks, trying and failing to look scandalized. He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her flush against him.

She smirks. “Hmmm, maybe later. Right now I feel like I’m going face plant into my breakfast.”

He laughs, moves his hands under her ass so he can lift her, and swiftly stands up. “Alright then, let’s get you to bed.”

-

Tessa and Kaitlyn have finally secured a table and are just sitting down when Jeffery, Chiddy, and Scott come back with their drinks. The table is a little sticky, but there are enough chairs around it, which is not always easy to come by on a Saturday night.

Chiddy snags the empty chair to her right before Scott can, which is a little disappointing, but probably for the best. They’ve always been tactile with each other, but now those touches have become more intimate. If they were sitting next to each other she would probably forget where they are and accidentally kiss him, especially if she’s had a few. She’s not ready to give up their bubble yet.

Kaitlyn starts telling her about the new guy that’s working at the gym she goes to. Apparently they’ve been casually flirting. She’s debating the merits of asking him out before or after Christmas when she hears it and freezes. Kaitlyn notices her change in demeanor and gives her a confused look, before hearing Scott’s deflections.

“I’m telling you, I’m not seeing anyone right now.”

Kaitlyn gives her a sympathetic look, despite the protests. This is not new. Every time Scott has had a girlfriend in the past she has gotten sympathetic looks from all of them at some point or another. She thinks Kaitlyn is more in tune with it this time since she had been bothering Tessa about telling Scott how she feels since March.

But Scott’s face is bright red. A classic sign he’s lying, which means they aren’t going to stop until he admits something.

“Why do you think he’s seeing someone?” Kaitlyn chimes in.

Chiddy is the one who answers, “Trying to nail down Scott these days is harder than getting together with me and I’m married. That screams new relationship.”

“Yeah or new job. Teaching eight year olds is hard and I have to make sure they don’t fire me.” Scott’s response falls on deaf ears. They’re too worked up to listen to him.

Chiddy continues, “And when I came over last weekend, I found women’s underwear under your couch.”

So that’s where those went. They had been tossed somewhere in his living area on their way to his bedroom last Thursday after getting home from a night out. She had looked the next morning, but couldn’t find them.

“And I told you, I hooked up with a girl a few months back. I don’t clean under my coach very often!”

Tessa is trying to remain as neutral looking as possible and simultaneously trying to telepathically tell Scott to stop being so defensive. If he just calmed down, he wouldn’t sound so guilty. If she just sips from her drink and doesn’t make eye contact with any of them, then maybe she can get out of this unscathed and Scott will just have to make something up. She briefly meets Scott’s eyes. He looks panicked and she only feels slightly bad that she’s leaving him on his own.

But her head snaps up when Jeff says his part.

“Yeah, and actually, I saw you making out with somebody in your car like two weekends ago I think.”

Scott’s head whips towards Jeffery. “What?” he asks sharply. Well, so much for that.

“Yeah, I was driving past your apartment and I saw you, in your car, making out with someone!”

Kaitlyn squeezes her leg reassuringly under the table. She’s reading her distress of the situation completely wrong.

“You didn’t tell me that,” Chiddy complains.

“Well I wasn’t going to say anything because I thought Scott would say something. But since he’s being so cagey…” He looks to Scott. “You’ve never held back information before, just tell us.”

Kaitlyn finally pipes up, “Are you sure it was Scott?”

“Can we please talk about something else?” Scott whines across the table. He looks like he’s about ready to sink into the floor and die. She feels the same.

“No,” Jeff says, addressing Scott. He turns to Kaitlyn. “And yes, it was definitely his car and I saw his face, but only the back of the girl’s head. She had dark brown hair actually, kind of like…” He trails off as he turns to look at Tessa. His eyebrows furrow for a second, like he’s seriously considering something, and then his face morphs into shocked realization. “Oh my god.”

Tessa’s face immediately turns bright red, she knows it, can feel it. The temperature must increase by almost one hundred degrees because she starts sweating through her shirt. Across from her, Scott drops his head to the table with a loud thunk.

“What?” Kaitlyn asks.

“Oh. My. GOD.” He’s looking back and forth between Tessa and Scott quickly, putting it all together in his head. “You two?”

Chiddy gasps dramatically. Kaitlyn is a little slower on the uptake.

“How long?” Jeff asks.

“Three months.” Is Scott’s muffled reply. His forehead is still on the sticky table. She’s going to have to make sure he washes his face later.

“Three months!” Chiddy looks absolutely delighted. “I’m impressed.”

“Excuse me. Can someone explain what’s going on?” Kaitlyn looks at her imploringly.

She takes a deep breath and bites the bullet. “Scott and I are dating.” She looks across the table and he’s finally looking at her. His face is bright red, but he sporting a tiny smile. She smiles back.

“Ah! What? How?” She looks so excited that Tessa can’t help but let her smile take over her whole face.

A laugh bubbles out of her. “What do you mean how?”

“Who confessed to who first?” Chiddy asks. He’s got his head propped in his hands, elbows propped on the table, looking every bit like a middle schooler about to hear a great piece of gossip at a slumber party.

She looks at Scott, she won’t say anything if he doesn’t want her to, but he just shrugs and rolls his eyes. They’re going to ask, they might as well give them the bare details.

“Scott did.”

“Where did it happen?”

“Why does that matter?” Scott asks.

“I want to set the scene!” Kaitlyn exclaims. “It’s important for me to get the full picture.”

Now Tessa rolls her eyes. “At the school.”

“Ew gross. Why there?” Jeff asks Scott.

“I don’t know. We were there, I wanted to say something, so I did.” None of them know about their first kiss in that hallway. They preferred to keep it that way when it happened. Something secret and special for only the two of them to know, so the rest of them wouldn’t understand the full emotional significance of the place.

“Well congrats,” Chiddy says. “And even though you were both shits and didn’t tell us, we’re happy for you.” 

Her heart warms knowing they have such supportive friends. They could react badly if they wanted to. This could potentially change the dynamics to their group.

“Yeah, it’ll be nice to not have to watch you two stare at each other in longing anymore,” Jeff says with a cheeky smile.

“Comments like that,” Scott points his beet at Jeffery. “Are why we didn’t say anything.”

“Well he’s not wrong,” Kaitlyn says. “You guys have wanted this for years. It’s nice you finally gave into what makes you happy.”

And well, she’s not wrong either. They are extremely happy. She’s probably happier than she’s ever been and each day just gets better. Being with Scott is like nothing she imagined. They’re still best friends, but now she can kiss him whenever and freely shower him with affection. She knows he feels the same. But it’s still annoying to hear it worded like that. It’s not like they didn’t want to give in before, but  it would have been a bad idea when they were younger. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked out and then they wouldn’t be where they are now.

“Can we talk about something else? Please?” She pleads.

Chiddy, thankfully, sensing her discomfort and probably impending annoyance, changes the subject to what he should get Liz for Christmas. Scott’s face is still hot and bright red across the table, even as she’s feeling like her’s is finally starting to cool. Even though Kaitlyn keeps kicking her underneath the table and giving her an incredulous look. Getting out of this bar has just turned into priority number one. What’s the protocol for leaving a group of friends after your secret relationship is unexpectedly outed?

She muscles through another hour of conversation, thankfully not about her and Scott, before mustering up the biggest yawn possible.

Scott notices, because she makes sure he’s looking before it happens. “You tired?”

Nodding, she stands up. “I think the last two days are starting to catch up to me. I should probably go.”

“And since I drove us here, I’ll be leaving too.” He sets down his drink and starts to put on his coat, she does the same.

Jeffery starts to boo and Kaitlyn pouts like this is the biggest disappointment in her life. Only Chiddy laughs and gives them both a wave goodbye.

“Thank god. With all that forced conversation, I was just waiting for them to start asking questions again,” Scott says as he tucks her under his arm, shielding her from the biting wind as they walk out of the bar. Snuggling under some blankets is all she can think about at the moment.

They get back to his apartment, brush their teeth together and take turns spitting into the sink. She changes into the shirt of his she’s been using as pajamas and he pulls on a pair of fleece pajama pants. They curl up on the bed, facing each other under the covers.

“Sorry they found out like that. I know we would’ve had to tell them eventually, but it kind of sucks it wasn’t on our own time.”

She shrugs as best she can. “It’s fine. I mean it wasn’t ideal, but their questions were much less invasive than I thought they would be.”

He chuckles softly and moves closer, runs his finger down her nose and then traces her lips. “True.” He kisses her once, softly. “Do you think it’s true? What Jeff said? That we’ve just been staring longingly at each other?”

She rolls her eyes, even as she tries to suppress a smile. “Well I certainly have never sent you a longing look in my life. You on the other hand? I’ve caught you staring at me several times over the past year.” 

He pinches her arm in retaliation and she tries to squirm away, but he wraps his other arm around her waist and pulls her close. “I have only looked at you the past year as I have always looked you.”

“So, you’ve always looked at me adoringly?” She’s teasing him, but instead of a retort his eyes soften around the edges and his smile is small, but radiant.

“I guess so,” he murmurs against her mouth, before he kisses her again, this time with a little more purpose. She closes her eyes and sinks into it. Tessa doesn’t think she will ever get tired of kissing him, the feel of his lips on hers, the way he grips her hips just right, nothing has ever felt so right. They pull back, panting, but not far. She can feel his next words on her lips. “I am so happy with you. These last three months have been… so good. Right?”

She nods, her forehead bumping against his. “So, so good.”

She opens her eyes to look at him. The look on his face isn’t one she’s ever seen on him before. His smile is small, but it lights up his whole face, warms her up from the inside out. “What?” she asks him, slight giggle in her voice.

He stares at her for a few more seconds, looking like he’s trying to decide on whether or not to say something. He seems to decide on not. “Nothing, it’s nothing.”

“No, tell me,” she whines, sounding every bit the six year old she was when they met.  

He takes a deep breath. Now, instead of content, he just seems nervous. “It’s just, I know you might already know. I’ve wanted to say it for awhile, I guess. But, in case you didn’t, or I guess, don’t know…”

She reaches up to rub her thumb along his cheekbone, in an attempt to calm his nerves. It seems to work a small amount.

“I love you.”

Her eyes close automatically as she lets the words wash over her. Of all the things he’s ever said to her, this might be her favorite so far. A laugh works its way up and out of her body.

“Um… are you okay?” He sounds nervous and his fingers are drumming on her shoulder where he’s holding on to her. “I didn’t really think that’s something people laugh at.”

Her face feels like it’s going to split in two from how wide her smile is. “I’m not laughing at you, dummy.” She opens her eyes. “I’m just happy.” She leans forward and kisses him on the mouth. It’s a little messy from how eager she is, but he moves his hand from her shoulder to thread through her hair, gently tilting her head to correct.

“I love you, too,” she mumbles against his lips. “So, so much.” She tries to keep kissing him, but the corners of his mouth are pulling up in a smile, making that a little difficult.

She starts to laugh again, can’t help but roll onto her back and clutch her stomach, and this time, Scott joins in. Tessa thinks she might be overtired, actually, with how hard she’s laughing. Scott’s laughter has quieted down, but he’s still chuckling in her ear when he rolls over on top of her. He props himself up on his forearms above her and nudges his nose against hers, getting her to tilt her head up slightly.

He kisses her again, swallowing her giggles. It doesn’t seem to bother him though, he can barely hold back his own smile. He pulls away from her lips and peppers playful kisses all over her face and down her neck, playfully biting at the skin of her collar bone. It just makes her laugh harder.

“God, it feels so good to say that,” he says, bringing his face back up to hers, pressing their foreheads together. “I’ve wanted to say that since I was fifteen, probably.”

“Yeah?”

He nods.

“I think, it was probably the same for me too.”

He gives her a small smile. Kisses her temple, cheek, the corner of her mouth. Her giggles finally die down, the enormity of this moment finally taking over. He loves her. He loves her the exact way she’s always wanted him to love her, the same way she loves him. It feels incredible to allow herself to bask in this moment.

Scott’s hands are creeping underneath her shirt, and he moves to kiss underneath her jaw, when her mouth splits open in what is maybe the biggest yawn of her life.

He snorts and drops down entirely on top of her. “You’re tired.” His voice is muffled from where his face is pressed into her pillow.

“Mmmm, no. I don’t think so.”

“Mmmm, yes. I do think so. You’re forgetting I was with you today when you were supposed to be napping. And you stared at your phone for an hour and then talked to me for, like, twenty minutes. Then, when you finally fell asleep, you rolled around for a few hours. I’d hardly consider that enough rest.”

She groans and rolls her eyes. He’s right, but it doesn’t mean she has to like it. “Fine. Let’s go to sleep instead of having mind blowing sex.”

Scott rolls off her and gives her a brilliant smile, all toothy and happy. “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. You can have all the mind blowing sex you want.”

She laughs. “I’ll hold you to that.”

He rubs his nose against hers, squeezes her waist. “Turn around,” he says, even as he starts to maneuver her himself.

Tessa rolls her eyes, but turns over anyways. Sleeping in his arms, his chest to her back, is the best. Being the little spoon is her favorite, and she knows he loves it too. He can smell her hair, which she knows he thinks she doesn’t realize he’s doing, and can also pepper her shoulder and neck with kisses. Honestly, she’s never slept better than she has like this.

“Goodnight Scott,” she says, closing her eyes and focusing on the way his steady breath relaxes her completely.

“Night T.” He presses a kiss to the back of her neck. “Love you.”  She smiles to herself as she drifts off to sleep.

...

He proposes to her at twenty nine.

He’s been trying so hard not to give it away for the past few months, but he knows she can tell something is up. He’s been acting noticeably weird, so much so that she actually asked him about it a few days ago. Living together has mostly been a positive experience. Being around her so often that he cannot keep this one thing a secret is not one of them.

And it has not been easy. He’s known he wanted to propose since December and keeping that from her for the past four months was difficult enough, but when he bought the ring a month ago that only got more complicated.

At first, it had been hidden in the back of the cupboard where he keeps the flour and sugar, but then one day she decided she wanted to try baking on her days off. He then had to explain why he had picked her off the counter in a panic and set her back on the floor, insisting he be the one to get all the ingredients off the top shelf.

He doesn’t know why he hadn’t thought to just keep it in his desk at school in the first place. She only comes to pick him up occasionally and it’s even more rare that she actually comes in or searches through his desk drawers.

But the fact of the matter is, it makes no difference where the ring is, because he’s still been acting like a nervous freak. Every time he’s looking up ideas on the internet, she just so happens to walk in the room, so he’s forced to slam his laptop shut. Every time he’s talking to his brother about how he proposed to his wife and what he thinks Tessa would like, she walks into the room and he’s forced to hang up. It’s like she’s a magnet to his proposal plans.

She probably thinks he’s involved in some illegal activity. Got a job on the black market to supplement his less than stellar teacher’s salary and her less than stellar firefighter’s salary.

It’s just all so difficult, he wants it all to be perfect, it’s what Tessa deserves. He knows her better than anyone, he should also know how to create the perfect proposal. A proposal that is uniquely catered to her and their relationship and how much she means to him.

Ultimately, what’s most important, is just that he does it soon. Any longer and he’s going to accidentally give himself away or she’s going to figure out what he’s up to and it won’t be a surprise. Regardless, Scott knows he has to hurry up this process or he’ll go insane.

In order to hurry himself along, he brought the ring home with him after school on Friday. It’s happening this weekend or he’s never allowing himself to watch the Leafs play again. It’s final.

He wakes up on Saturday to the sound of her walking through the door. A quick glance at the clock tells him all he needs to know. Home two hours later than usually means she’s just getting off a call and will likely be tired and hungry and possible grumpy. He hasn’t seen her in over forty-eight hours though, so grumpy or not he’s excited to see her.

Tessa walks into their room just as he’s sitting up. Her face immediately gives her away and he can tell she’s exhausted even before she drops her bags unceremoniously on the ground (she never does that) and flops face first onto the bed.

“Hi,” he says. He rubs her back, up and down in long strokes. “Bad shift?’

She nods into the bed, not looking up at him.

“Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?”

She turns her head so she can look at him. Tears are forming in the corners of her eyes and one rolls down and over her nose. He wipes it away with his thumb.

“Nothing really happened. We just kept getting call after call and I feel like I haven’t slept in two days and I don’t think I’ve eaten in seventeen hours. I’m just tired and hungry more than anything else,” she explains, voice wavering and cracking slightly on her words.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

She nods her head. “Promise. No big calls, just a bunch of little, mild ones. I’ll be fine with a long shower and food and sleep.”

He nods, moves his hand from her back and threads his fingers through her hair, scratching her scalp a little bit. She closes her eyes and hums, a small smile spreads across her face. It’s not great, but it’s a start. 

“Tell you what, you go hop in the shower, I’ll make breakfast. You can eat it in here and then I’ll close the blinds and you can sleep for as long as you want.” He had installed blackout curtains a couple months back to help her sleep during the day.

“With you?” She cracks one eye opened. He leans down to kiss her on the forehead.

“For a little. I have some errands to run. We need food and I have some stuff to do for work.”

She groans and rolls her eyes. “Why do you have to be such a dedicated teacher?”

He laughs, bright and loud, happy to have her back with him. It’s always lonely when she’s gone. “Go get in the shower.” He kisses her again, this time on the corner of her mouth, and gets up, putting on some pants and a sweatshirt.

He doesn’t see if she actually gets up to get into the shower, or just falls asleep on the bed, but then he hears water running as he’s cracking eggs into a pot. He finishes breakfast as fast as he can, her shower could be long or short, it all depends on whether she’s more tired or frustrated.

He plates the food, pours her some tea, and heads back into the bedroom. He sets the plate down on her nightstand and moves over to his dresser. The sweatpants that she most prefers to sleep in are his. She likes to sleep in her own old, baggy Maple Leafs shirt though. He sets both on the bed, just as the water shuts off. Perfect timing.

Steam billows out of the bathroom behind her and she’s already looking a little better than when he first saw her.

“Mhmmm, smells good. Thank you,” she says, resting her hands on his shoulders and leaning up on her toes to peck him on the lips. She quickly gets dressed and then falls into bed. She picks up the food and puts it in her lap, practically scarfing it down.

He sits next to her and snatches some toast off the plate. He reaches over her to grab the mug of tea and hands it to Tessa.

“Drink. It’s that sleepy time tea. It’ll help you sleep.”

She breathes in the steam before taking a sip. He takes the plate out of her lap and watches as she finishes the tea, before taking that and setting it on the nightstand too.

“I love you, so much.” She rests her head on his shoulder and he grabs her hand, lacing their fingers. “Sometimes, this job really sucks, and I don’t know why I ever wanted to do it.” She takes a shaky breath. “But then, I think about how I get to come home to you and you make me feel so much better. I don’t think I would want to keep doing this, the long nights and all, if I didn’t have you to come home to.”

He doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he settles for kissing her temple and murmuring a low, “I love you too.”

They sit in silence for a while, before he realizes that she’s fallen asleep. He maneuvers her so she’s laying down under the cover and stays beside her for a little longer, making sure she stays asleep. Eventually, he forces himself to get up and go to the store, they are shockingly low on all foods besides bread and eggs.

When he gets back, Tessa is still sound asleep in the bed, curled up on her side. She looks adorable, hair piled up on her head, covered in all the blankets. All he wants is to spend the rest of his life with her, exactly like this. Eating breakfast in bed, creepily watching her sleep from the doorway of their bedroom.

It doesn’t really matter how he proposes to her, so long as he does it. He just wants her to be his wife, wants to be her husband. Wants to stand in front of their obnoxious friends and loud families and promise to spend every moment possible making her as happy as he can.

He decides to do it today. It’ll be a few more hours before she wakes up, still time to prepare. He gets to work.

-

He settles back into bed with her when everything is ready. The movement causes her to blink her eyes open slowly. A smile stretches across her face and with the light from the window surrounding her face, she looks like some sort of angel. 

“Hi,” she says, quiet and sleepy. She stretches out, raising her hands above her head. She wiggles her toes and feet until they slide underneath his legs. “How long did I sleep for?”

“It’s like fourish, so you got about six hours.” She grimaces and he scrunches his face in response. “It’s not that bad, six is pretty good! You can even go to bed early tonight if you want.”

“Hmmm, I guess.” She starts sniffing the air. “Did you bake something? It smells like cake in here.”

“Cupcakes actually. With that nasty, sugary frosting from the store you like so much.”

Her eyes light up, and Tessa quickly goes from sleepy to fully awake in seconds. “Well what’re we doing? Let’s go eat them.”

“Here.” He reaches behind him and grabs the first cupcake off the nightstand where he put it. “Have this one.”

She sits up and takes it, starts laughing at the picture he put on top, stuck in the frosting. “Where did you find this?”

It’s one of the first pictures of the two of them, taken by his mom, right after they became friends. In it, his face is red and blotchy, he had just been crying, and Tessa is happily smiling alongside him. She’s holding her ice cream cone and he’s got a spoon shoved in one of the scoops. He had dropped his on the ground, hence the tears, and she had offered to share hers with him, essentially saving his seventh birthday from ending in heartbreak.

“My mom brought a bunch of stuff over this morning while you were asleep, pictures mostly.” He leaves out the part where he asked for very specific pictures of the two of them throughout the years.

“I remember this being taken, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen the picture. I want to see the other ones!” She jumps out of their bed, taking the cupcake with her. He follows right after her, expecting what she’ll see and anticipating how she’ll stop. Which is good, seeing as it prevents him from crashing into her back.

“What’s going on?” she asks quietly.

All the lights in the rest of the apartment are turned off, the curtains closed, and all the candles he could find are lit on the table, surrounding more cupcakes with more pictures stuck in the frosting. If he wasn’t the one who set it up, he would think it was some kind of creepy shrine dedicated to the two of them.

He nudges her forward, says, “Just take a look.” And she goes to stand in front of the table.

She picks up the picture sitting at the front of the first cupcake. Behind the picture is the ‘M’ he knows she notices by the hitch in her breath, but she doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she focuses on the picture in her hand. Them, at ten years old, sitting outside a ratty tent in her backyard. They had insisted on going camping, but no one had wanted to take them, meaning they took matters into their own hands and slept outside. (They were told if they wanted to camp in the yard they had to set the tent up themselves, which means it fell almost immediately after the picture was taken.)

She looks back at him, tears in her eyes and questioning look on her face. Scott just nods his head, encouraging her to continue, so she picks up the next picture, revealing the ‘A’. Them at thirteen, the first day of school, still the same height. He had been really mad about that at the time, which is why he’s slightly on his tiptoes. They’re both sporting huge smiles though, Tessa had just told him she was planning on skipping out early on rehearsal for her ballet recital so she could come to his birthday party.

She continues.

‘R’: Fourteen, after they had kissed for the first time and decided to just make it a one time thing. This one is from Canada Day, when things were still a little bit awkward between them. They’re sitting just far enough apart for it to be awkward, especially since he had still felt the need to put his arm over her shoulder.

‘R’: Sixteen, Tessa’s birthday, cake smashed in her face courtesy of him. Her hand is full of frosting and he’s smugly smiling at the camera, not seeing the retaliation coming.

‘Y’: Eight and seven, his front tooth is missing and her hair is pulled back in a tight bun. They’re both dressed up in Halloween costumes, her, a ballerina, him, a player for the Leafs. Neither of them are smiling, the picture was taken too early and both of them are semi-yelling at the other because Tessa had stolen all the chocolate out of his pillow case.

‘M’: Eighteen, two weeks before they both left for university, at the going away party their families had for them. Neither of them had known the picture was being taken. They’re sitting on his family’s porch swing in the picture, her legs are draped over his lap and he is reaching out to push some hair out of her face. He doesn’t remember what they were talking about, but he does remember the dull ache in his chest he got from looking at her and realizing how much he was going to miss her.

‘E’: Twenty seven and twenty six, wearing matching footy pajamas Danny had given to them as a joke Christmas present, but had ended up being really comfortable. They’re both sitting in front of the tree at his parent’s house, all of his nieces’ and nephews’ presents in front of them waiting to be passed out. They both look so happy and he knows it wasn’t just because of the Christmas season.

‘?’: Twenty three and twenty two, at Charlie’s wedding. It’s his favorite picture of the two of them. Again, they hadn’t known the picture was being taken, both of them giggling at the ridiculous photographer. He’s got her hand in his, their fingers threaded together. It was the first time in a few years he had felt comfortable grabbing her hand and when he’d done it, she had given him a surprised, but beautiful, smile. It had made his stomach flip and had been the first time he realized he would never be able to stop loving her.

He makes sure he’s on one knee when she turns around again, ring out of his sweatpants pocket. God, he forgot he’s just in sweatpants, should he have dressed up for this? She’s just in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, would she have wanted to look fancier?

The pictures fall out of her hands when she turns, tears running down her face. “Are you serious? Is this real?” she asks. Tessa looks so hopeful and her eyes lit up and dark green.

He nods slowly before starting to talk. “T, I love you. The day you walked into my life changed everything and I am so lucky to have been able to live my life with you.” There’s a lump in his throat and he can feel his eyes welling up. “The pictures are just a few moments of us and I want a lifetime more. Marry me Tessa.”

She drops to the ground in front of him, grabbing onto his shoulders, her fingers dig into his skin harder than they maybe ever have. “Yes,” she chokes out around her tears.

“Yes?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” She’s nodding so fast he thinks her head might fall off her shoulders. He leans forwards, crushes his lips against hers. Her lips are always so soft and inviting, he loves kissing her, almost as much as he loves her, but this is another level. Kissing her has never felt this good.

Their mouths slow against each other until they’re just forehead to forehead, both panting and smiling. “You didn’t even see the ring,” he tells her, laughing slightly.

She shakes her head against his. “Don’t care.”

“You sure? I think you’ll like this.”

She takes a deep breath, “Well, I guess if you’re insisting.” She draws back completely and gives him her left hand, so he can place the ring on her finger. They’re both sniffling and giggling and he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop smiling. “It’s really beautiful Scott, thank you,” she says, voice soft, while looking at the ring. It’s really just a simple gold band, with a small emerald stone, but when he saw it, all he could think of were her beautiful eyes and he knew it was the one.

“Of course, Tess, gotta get the ring to match the girl,” he says with a wink and she throws her head back in laughter. He joins in, grabbing her face when she looks back at him again. He presses kisses all over her face, drinking in the happiness that’s practically flowing from her skin.

He moves on to her neck, his favorite place, when he hears her ask, “So I get the pictures, but why cupcakes?”

He smiles against her skin, “I just figured you might want some and I needed something to spell it out. More fun than just writing it.”

She hums deep in her throat as he pulls the collar of her shirt to the side to bite at her shoulder. “The pictures all have frosting on them now though.”

“We can wipe it off later don’t worry about it.” He moves his hands underneath her shirt, they are engaged, really truly engaged. In a (hopefully) short amount of time Tessa will be his wife and he will be her husband, the state of the pictures is the last thing on his mind.

“What if I wanted to eat the cupcakes right now?” she asks him, teasing, though it’s a little breathless. She threads her fingers through his hair and he can feel the ring against his scalp. It makes him want to be as connected to her as possible, so he lifts his head and surges forward to kiss her again.

She lets out a soft moan against his mouth and it makes him smirk. “What if I wanted to eat you?” he teases back. He means it to sound seductive, but instead she starts to giggle and giggle, until it grows out of control and she snorts, throwing herself into a fit of laughter.

He could be slightly put out, but he’s so happy and she looks so beautiful and happy that he can’t help but join in. He notices that she’s crying while she laughs and it’s the best sound he’s ever heard. He reaches out to brush some tears off her face.

She gives him a bright grin. “Happy tears,” she says, reaching up to brush his face. It’s not until her fingers come back wet that he realizes he’s crying too.

They stare at each other for a few moments in silence. He breathes in, taking in the moment, trying to commit everything about this day and the sight in front of him to memory. He has a feeling Tessa is doing the same, her eyes are tracking all over his face and she appears to be glowing.

She leans in again, and he thinks she’s going to kiss him, but instead she wraps her arms around his shoulders and pulls him against her. “I love you, you know, so much. You’re the best thing in my life,” she whispers in his ear. He can hear the tears in her voice and feel them on the side of his face.

Scott does the only thing he can think of, which is to wrap his arms around her waist and squeeze her as tight as he can. “You’re the best thing in mine. Seriously Tess, I don’t know who I’d be if I hadn’t met you.”

They hold each other for a few more moments before she speaks again, “Scott?”

“Yeah Tess?”

“I know this is a very important and memorable moment, but those cupcakes smell so good and I was serious earlier, can we please eat them?” He can feel her teasing smile and picture it perfectly on her face.

He laughs loudly. “Sure, whatever you want Tess.” He leans back and wipes all the tears off her face with the back of his hand.  

She twists to grab one of the cupcakes off the table, the question mark, and starts to unwrap it, not moving an inch from where she is in front of him. It’s as she’s lifting it to her mouth that he really can’t resist the temptation to hit the back of her hand and send the cupcake smashing straight into her chin and nose.

A squeak of surprise makes its way out of her mouth and her hand, along with the cupcake, falls away from her face, leaving the frosting behind. She stares at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “You did not just do that.”

“Oh, I don’t know T,” he says, wiping some frosting off her nose and sucking it off his finger. For as much shit as he gives her about the stuff in the can, it actually is pretty good. “I think I just did.”

“Watch yourself Moir, I always win at this game.” She narrows her eyes in an attempt to look intimidating. It’s not working very well though, the corners of her mouth are pulling up in a smile.

“I beg to differ Virtue. The last time you tried to shove frosting in my face, I was the winner.”

She cocks her head to the side, takes two fingers, and wipes some more frosting off her face. Then, because she’s obviously trying to distract him, she takes both fingers and sticks them in her mouth, making sure he’s watching as her tongue sticks out to really get it all. And because he’s already keyed up, it totally works. He reaches for her waist and starts to lean in, but is stopped when a cupcake smashes into the side of his head. His eyes close automatically, so instead of seeing it, he hears Tessa’s booming laugh and feels her slip out from under his hands to run away.

Before he can open his eyes, he feels another cupcake come down on the top of his head. “Look alive pal, you’ve gotta keep up if you want to be married to me,” she says through her giggles.

He lunges for the table and the cupcakes sitting on it. By the time he turns around she’s already halfway to their room, which has a door with a lock. That just won’t do. He sprints after her and catches her by the waist at the last second, before she can cross the threshold. Tessa shrieks in his arms as he smashes the cupcake to her forehead, and then she starts to laugh.

Scott is grinning so wide, his face might be permanently stuck this way. He turns her around in his arms and starts to lick at her cheeks while she continues to laugh. This is really it, he gets to be with his favorite person in the entire world, the girl who knows him better than he knows himself, the girl he’s loved practically his whole life, forever.

God, he cannot wait for the rest of his life.


End file.
